It’s like I have two minds

So, I have begun work on Plugged Inn: An Electric Cabaret.  It’s all original material, which is great and frustrating at the same time.  It’s great because I’m doing what I want to do, but frustrating because it is so difficult to snatch out what is in your head and have  it become its own thing.  I spend hours in my room everyday creating something, changing it, throwing it out…. it’s exhausting

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I guess it’s silly to complain, this is what I want to do.  I suppose I’m just venting.  Things become more difficult when you take into account all of what you are responsible for.  Since it’s just Storey and me producing the entire event responsibilities include: marketing, organizing, scheduling, casting…. everything. As if I wasn’t stressed out enough, right?

Recently I’ve been finding half of me getting frustrated with something the other half has no problem with.  I know this sounds crazy, I will try to find the best way to describe it.  It’s as though I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other and the devil whispers into my ear things that are going “wrong” or what other people are “doing wrong to me” and it causes me anxiety.  Meanwhile, I’m sitting back while the angel whispers in my ear, “It’s really not a big deal, seriously, let it go”  And I think to myself, “I would very much like to let it go, I just need to rid myself of these thoughts and this anxiety and I’ll be good”  They just pop up and I don’t want to have anything to do with them.  I think I spend too much time alone thinking… that’s part of the problem, but whenever I work I’m alone and I work all the time…..  It’s a cycle.

I say all that to say, I’m excited, nervous, anxious & awaiting Plugged Inn.  I’ll let you in on a little secret, what allows me to put up with all this is that the only time I feel alive is when I’m on stage.  Any other time, I’m just waiting for the next time I will be on stage.

I probably sound insane, but it’s how I feel.

Until next time.

-Sebastian

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