The world spins.
Sometimes it seems to spin faster and faster and somehow… even faster.
Sometimes we can spot and keep our heads on straight.
Other times we fall over and get yelled at by our dance instructor.
Either way, gravity just holds us down to the Earth and it’s our job to keep from getting dizzy when our personal worlds spin uncontrollably
My world has been spinning at a much faster rate than usual. I will say this is a good thing. I have lots of work, I’m doing things I love, and working towards larger goals of mine. One thing I realize is I have not been doing a great job of spotting or taking care of myself. When my world began spinning faster, I kept with the same lifestyle I was living back when my world was spinning at a more casual rate; Drinking, smoking, staying up late, poor dieting choices…. It was all fine at first, but it slowly caught up to me. I began feeling tired all the time, moody, wrapped up in this tornado of ‘what the hell is going on?’
Finally, I realized if I was going to continue on this path. This path of working as hard as possible 12-15 hour days, work, rehearsals, creating, living…. I was going to need to change something… everything. So, I decided….
No Hanging Out Late
No Eating Out All The Time
All these things start a terrible spiral. Drinking takes up time that could be used doing anything…. learning lines, creating a song. It renders you useless for sometime the next day and you gain nothing from it. Smoking must be the silliest hobby of all time. Cigarettes just make you feel terrible, they bring your spirits down and they cost money. Hanging out late is terrible when you have to wake up early… common sense, but still somehow continues to be a problem. I typically eat at home, but when I get super busy I forget to pack lunch, dinner and I’m not at the house all day, so you just shove whatever in your mouth. And that’s not always good.
I’ve decided to get my head on straight and face the world as the best ‘me’ possible.
I cleaned at home, cleaned my desk at the office, I’ve gotten organized. I’ve started cooking my lunch at night to take it with me the next day. I’m getting financial counseling from JLy. I’m really trying to get things together and honestly it has only been a few days, but the changes are unreal. I don’t feel exhausted, I forget things less, my mood has improved. I feel like a person again and I’m not sure I knew I wasn’t feeling like a person before. That’s weird.
It feels good to feel more like myself. I don’t ever want to smoke a cigarette again. I will drink again, when I’m on vacation or for a special occasion, but not as a general recreational activity, which can be difficult in the theater world. Drinking and smoking are just built in. But, I’m not everyone else and I have to get to where I need to be, so I will do whatever I need to do to get there.
Also, when you think about it…. it’s so strange that drinking is a thing that people do as often as they do. It’s not good for you…. It’s almost like doing drugs…. and it costs so much money…. why do we do that?