Where Does Your Disgust Come From?


UPDATE: I managed to put these words together as a comment on a friends article on facebook and I think it sums things up better.
I think people are confusing their disapproval or anger with society’s demand for “masculinity” with. Russell’s recount of what made him, the way he is and the fact that he’s happy with how he turned out. He can be happy that he is less “effeminate” and someone else can be happy being more “effeminate”. The ultimate goal is for everyone to be happy with the shoes they have found themselves in and people seem to think that his self content is in direct opposition with who they are , which just isn’t true. Learn to say “and” instead of “or”.

I grew up with a very strict father, a father who believed in discipline. When I did something wrong, I was punished. When I didn’t try hard enough, I was punished. When I made excuses, I was punished. I was punished… A LOT.

I could have very easily been allowed to relax and become an undisciplined, drive-lacking, excuse making, average Joe, but, even though it wasn’t pleasant at the time, I’m glad my father chose that path for me, because it has afforded me drive, ambition, self discipline- all these things that make me unique.

Unique compared to who? Most of you. Yes, I am proud of who I am, even if it means that it’s something you’re not and even if you have trouble dealing with self-pity and societal shame about the fact that you’re not. And if you don’t have shame and are proud of yourself, even if these things don’t apply to you. GOOD FOR YOU. I still love myself and am happy I went through everything I went through to become the person I am today. And guess what? That has nothing to do with you.

I also went to multiple schools where I was teased and tortured everyday for being gay. I was called faggot, fudge packer, all sorts of things. I’m glad all that happened too… You know why? It toughened me up. I still encounter people like this, but because of my childhood, I can deal with these people with the ease of dealing with a pigeon trying to take my sandwich. All this because I wasn’t allowed to relax into a comfortable state of being. It’s one of those things that makes me unique.

Unique compared to who? Most of you.Yes, I am proud of who I am, even if it means that it’s something you’re not and even if you have trouble dealing with the self-pity and societal shame about the fact that you’re not. And if you don’t have shame and are proud of yourself, even if these things don’t apply to you. GOOD FOR YOU. I still love myself and am happy I went through everything I went through to become the person I am today. And guess what? That has nothing to do with you.

Growing up, education was most important to my parents. I started reading and writing before I was in pre-school. My mother was a teacher. When I went to my first urban school, I realized the difference between me and the other children. What was that difference? Given the skill set I had, I was able to more easily navigate the world than they could. I was teased by my peers and called white boy, for the way that I spoke. But, that way of speaking made me unique and helped me to get by in a mostly white world.

Unique compared to who? Most of my black peers. Yes, I am proud of who I am, even if it means that it’s something you’re not and even if you have trouble dealing the with the self-pity and societal shame about the fact that you’re not. And if you don’t have shame and are proud of yourself, even if these things don’t apply to you. GOOD FOR YOU. I still love myself and am happy I went through everything I went through to become the person I am today. And guess what? It has nothing to do with you.

Me taking pride in who I am is NOT the same as me shaming you for not being the same things. It has nothing to do with you. I could have very easily grown up to be ambitious-less, meek, and a black person who can’t speak “the language”. I’m happy I didn’t go down that path, because I like who I am. Do you know the privilege a black person gets for speaking “the language”? TONS. Am I shaming every other black person in the world because they didn’t have the opportunity to take my path? No. I could have had a different mentality, I could have so much trouble navigating your world, yes, most of you are white and, yes, I get by more easily because of the way I speak. Would I most likely be proud of who I was even if it were the other way around? Yes. Does any of this have anything to do with you. No.

Life is about self preservation, it’s about your ability to get by, it’s about survival. It is complicated and what makes life even more complicated is the way we treat each other. We are a world filled with cynics. Cynics ready to attack each other for any statement that isn’t 100% politically correct. But, guess what? Life isn’t always 100% politically correct. It’s complicated. There isn’t always a binary, a polarity; good-bad, right-wrong, strong-weak. It’s complicated. But one thing that can make it all a little more easy to deal with, is kindness. The culture of social media, an abundance of articles critiquing every aspect of human existence and people just ready to judge each other has created a breading ground for hate.

The fact that Russel Tovey can be met with such negativity given his statements about his own life are absurd. He has a complicated life, just like you and even if his view of HIMSELF isn’t 100% politically correct, or a bit self shaming, he is still a person just trying to survive. We all have things we are trying to deal with, we continue to deal with them, just look at your complicated life. Why attack him? Why not be a real community and have a pleasant discussion, a constructive discussion. Someone I know called his comments problematic… literally everyone on Earth has something to say that’s problematic, he’s just someone brave enough to open his mouth.

You know why that won’t happen? You’re too worried about what his views of himself say about you, because you have your own insecurities. So, you make this entire story, that’s about him, about you. When you rise to a place of growth and maturity, you can recognize the struggle someone else is going through without internalizing it, because you’ve been there and you’ve moved on. I wish we could all do this. And a less mature, more insecure me, would have been disgusted by your behavior, but because I’ve been where you are and hope that one day, you will rise above it, I choose to be understanding.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s