Dear Jonathan: I Am Not Your Friend

In the words of Beyoncé, “Who the fuck do you think I am?”

It’s time for your wake up call. We have all had one. A moment when you realize the behavior you’ve been exhibiting will no longer be tolerated. So, here it goes.

Jonathan, you are too fucking old. Grow the fuck up. First, let’s start with a list of things you don’t do.

  1. Don’t tell someone you are fucking that you are coming over tonight, then, never come over, and message them 3 days later like nothing has happened.
  2. Don’t ever, in your wildest dreams, invite someone you are fucking out to to a public place, where someone else you are fucking/trying to fuck will be.
  3. Do not make out with someone in front of a guy you are fucking.
  4. Do not introduce me as your friend.

I don’t care if you just came out of the closet 2 months ago. I don’t care if your parents are rich. I don’t care if all these things have worked with men in the past. Do. Not.

I liked you, because of your sense of humor, because you don’t seem to take yourself seriously. I’ve been upset by some of your actions in the past; you say you will call me, then you don’t, you say you are coming over, then you don’t, you invite me out and then leave me with your friends all night.

I get it. You are immature. You lack experience. Well, let me be the one to inform you. Stop!

I knew the evening was over the moment you stopped holding my hand because your friends could see. Why don’t you try respecting the men that give you the time of day. Gay men have enough to worry about. If someone decides you are worth fucking with, that they will endure kissing you. That sucking your dick is something they will get through… show them some god damn respect. Grow the fuck up and act like a man. I don’t know how you’ve gotten by this far acting like this, but I’m not like the guys in your past. I will not simply endure your behavior and over time become one of the many “friends” you have fucked. Don’t speak to me again, until you learn what respect is. Until you learn how to exhibit said respect. You are a 27 year old doctor. GROW THE FUCK UP!

I am an adult who respects himself. So, the next time you are out, making bad choices and want to say something that will ease the pain for everyone. DO, NOT. CALL ME. YOUR FRIEND. I am not and will never be your friend.

PS: Lose my number.

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